227 Release Weight and Body Shame; JJ Flizanes

June 22, 2017

JJ Flizanes is an author, coach and podcast host of The Fit 2 Love Podcast Show. JJ is vibrant and determined and she’s a great connector of people. She’s currently been working on her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. Today she talks about left brain, right brain, accountability and the topic of shame. 

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The Conversation...

Bruce: JJ's currently been working on her newest book which she says is her best. It's the invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets To Release Weight and Reduce Body Shame. Tell us more, JJ.

JJ: This book is a culmination of 20 years of work. It is the simplified version, the nuts and bolts, the proof and the science on all levels; science of body, science of mind, science of the spirit. science of biochemistry. It's so vast. Of the five Secrets, three of them are uber scientific and the other two are very spiritual, psychological and mindful. It 's all in the emotional piece.

It goes from one extreme to the other and that's that's who I am anyway. I'm the left and right brain person who is going to bring in both sides because both sides are important. I think a lot of times most of us have our strength in one of those sides. We're either very creative and expressive but we lack structure.

Then we have the structured people who are very frustrated and unsatisfied because they lack the outlet of creativity and emotional expression. I am an empowerment strategist and I combine those two and help people find the balance and use both sides in order to really live your life to the fullest.

Bruce: How can we help to integrate our left in our right brain? Tell us more details about how this can work for us on an individual basis.

JJ: It's important to understand and identify your strengths and weaknesses.  Then you're going to know how to ask for help or guidance and to know what pieces you need to implement so if you know that you're a creative free spirit; unrestricted, not linear kind-of-person ,then you're very right right brained.

So what that means is you need structure. It's like masculine or feminine .it's always said that the masculine is the riverbank and the feminine is river.

If you know that you are a creative person and you know that you have creative thoughts ideas and yet you can't implement, you're not very linear.

Structure is what you need and so finding systems, finding people to keep you accountable, finding methods that follow a plan, and again I'm going to really stress the keeping accountable part.

The people that are left-brained or accountable they will get their stuff done.

What they need help with is uncovering some of that emotional creativity. A lot of left brain people are very controlling they need to learn how to let go and how to be spontaneous and how to the expressive and to do things that don't color in the lines.

First identify which one you are. I know there are some tests online t o figure that out. Besides just testing your brain's left or right brain percentage, you can also take a strength finders test.

I really love the Strengthsfinder's 2.0 test. The basic one is about $19.99 for your top 5 strength and that will also give you information about what it is that you are really good at. It will also find what is it that you lack.

There's no shame in acknowledging who you are.

If you continue thinking you can do it all and that you're built to do it all, you stay frustrated for a really long time. You'll wonder why can't I do this?

You're not built that way. Can you learn? Sure, but most likely you just need support in adding those elements into your life but they're not your strength.

Bruce: What can we do to be more organized, more right brain?

JJ: I create accountability for anything I need help with. So let's say if you need to be organized, whether it be hiring somebody to come in with you. I mean it could literally be a friend to come sit with you and talk with you while you're cleaning. You designate on your calendar just like a personal t raining session or coaching session. For this hour this person will come or maybe talk to a person on Skype while you get your work done. You can have a friend or family member sit with you.

You can make it fun. My husband's clued into how to get me to clean the garage or my car or do yard work. He knows the right music to put on because I listen to very specific Latino kind of music.

When I hear that go on I know he wants me to be in a good mood. Sometimes there might be a cocktail involved and there's always music.

You create an environment which creates less resistance. But I would say the most important thing about that is accountability.

Bruce: Let's talk about body shame. Tell us about this?

JJ: I'm a big fan of the late, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's work which is non-violent communication. What he says is that should is the most violent word we use.

we have an idea of shoulding. You have this idea that, I should be able to do all these things. I've done the same thing, I have a good capacity of a left and right brain. I learn very quickly. There are many things that I can learn to do so I just do whatever.

What I've learned is, even if you're really good at a lot of things and you can do all those things, it becomes a life lesson of, is this really the best use of your time. I would say for a lot of us that's just a life path.

You do all those things because you think you should or because you can and then you see the results and you say, alright it's working and if it's working then you keep doing it but if you spend all this time and you're frustrated and your brain hurts and you feel stressed out, then it's not working. Ev entually you're going to say, I can let this go and I can hire someone else to do it.

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226 Stop Pinching Yourself Off With Negativity Says Allison Sutter

June 19, 2017

Allison Sutter is a contemporary spiritual teacher well known for her ability to seamlessly blend spirituality and practical self-help teachings. She does this in such a way that she makes spirituality relevant to daily life. Allison has created life-changing digital courses that serve students in over 32 countries. Mindfulness is a central focus of her life everyday - that’s how she is so powerful in her ability to help others. She resides with her husband and 3 girls in Chicago.

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Most Influential Person

  • My mom. (She died when I was twenty but she still influences me).

Effect on Emotions

  • I understand what my emotions are. I understand they're our guidance system so I can bring myself back into a place of feeling good which opens up this mindfulness aspect which gives me all the present solutions that I need for positive transformation in the situation that I'm in.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • As much as I possibly can on any given day, whatever I'm doing, I can use mindful meditation in picking clovers from the grass or I can be sitting trying to connect with spiritual guides or whatever it is.
  • Feeling the depth of the breath and feeling the expanses  going into it and finding, in a good way, the abyss below which is connected to everything I guess you could say.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • There's a story every single day in every school system around the country where one child is so disconnected from who they really are. They come at another kid with a vengeance every day.
  • For my own girls, what I do when they come home with these stories, first we talk about the fact that the person coming at them is disconnected from who they really are. They're so angry, jealous & upset at whatever they got going in their life. It's causing them to feel and act in a particular way.
  • First we center them and then we say, what do you think.  Whether it's an immediate friend of theirs or something they witnessed. Are you a bystander in this? Are you helping? So we talk about the situation itself and how they can center.
  • From this place of center they can make a decision. Every situation is different.
  • Last night my daughter got some text messages which caused her to cry and it was about a school project. We talked about how the child sent these from a place of disconnection.
  • If you disconnect and just come at them, it just complicates the issue. Helping them center themselves and just go out into the world as an example of how you center yourself.
  • One person who's centered can literally be the wave of positivity that brings the others into their spirit of influence.
  • Negativity doesn't last forever and it's not who we really are.
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225 A Place Called Earth Founder, Cameron Brown

June 15, 2017

Cameron Brown sold or donated 99% of the things he used to own back in 2016 and proceeded to embark on his latest project known as ‘A Place Called Earth.’ He travels the world, coaching & training people on how to make a greater positive impact. Cameron also creates short films and music that has reached millions of people across the globe, inspiring positive change on a personal, social and environmental level. Cameron believes part of his purpose is to assist in the evolution of humanity and our planet. He is a songwriter and anti-bullying advocate, having written and performed, Close To The Edge, a wildly popular anti-bullying anthem known across the world.

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Most Influential Person

  • Eckhart Tolle
  • Dr. Wayne Dyer

Effect on Emotions

  • I still get frustrated; I still get annoyed. There's still these things that play out.
  • Being a human isn't about saying I just want to be happy all of the time. It's about allowing yourself to experience the full wave of emotions.
  • That's what's beautiful. You can't know a beautiful day without a really cloudy, rainy day. You don't know light without dark.
  • Life is a sea of contrast. I look back to my teenage years when there were a whole lot of dark times. My life could have gone one way or the other. I could have ended up in a really bad space long term.
  • I'm extremely thankful that I found personal development and emotional intelligence, mindfulness and all the other pieces that make up allowing yourself to experience what it means to be a human and be aligned to why you're here.
  • The moment you can notice and understand you are not your thoughts, you can allow your emotions to flow through you, not get stuck in you.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I don't even know if I consciously do it anymore. A number of different breathing strategies that used to take conscious awareness to actually do them, there's a framework that I use at the moment which is having unconscious incompetence, which is not knowing that you suck at something, to having conscious incompetence which is, ah, I know this, I suck at this. Conscious competence is, I can do it, but I need to focus, to then being unconsciously competent which is I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • It takes time in the beginning to build in new strategies and patterns of behaviour, whether that's breathing, which it used to be for me to being able to allow things to flow through, to knowing why it is that I'm experiencing it. Having the awareness around that, having the emotional regulation.
  • Whatever the pieces are, it's about knowing and understanding that for a period of time there's going to be a feeling of incompetence and feeling like you're not getting it. Until you move to conscious competence, and actally been to unconscious competence, that's where it becomes part of your identity and this is where a lot of people fall short.
  • Because they build a habit, but it's still conscious competence in the strategy that they're trying to implement. They think they've got it and they focus on something else and they cycle back because they didn't allow it to be an unconscious pattern even when they've got their eyes closed.

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224 Be Aware of Your Energetic Vibrations Suggests Simon Crowe

June 12, 2017

Simon Crowe coaches and mentors inspiring people and helps them come alive. He takes people on life-changing adventures into their heart and soul and helps them connect to their deepest purpose. These adventures are both metaphoric and physical, with Simon traveling to Africa recently with groups of his clients. His passion is creating partnerships with influential entrepreneurs, leaders and humanitarians and co-creating visions that positively impact the world.

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Most Influential Person

  • My wife, Stacey

Effect on Emotions

  • To me, an emotion or a feeling is a word that we give to an awareness of a vibration. Why that's important to me is, I've been reading a book called The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and what I appreciate about the book is he talks about our emotions. If we're scared of them then we live our lives trying to protect ourselves from our emotions and we create this incredibly crazy complex life full of emotional interactions.
  • If we can just see our emotions as energy, they don't mean anything to who we are ... that distinction between our higher self and our ego-driven mind.
  • What I find myself doing now when I feel strong energy, I try not to label it as a particular emotion. I let it rise up in my heart and my chest. I let it find a way out. Almost like letting the gas bubbles in a bottle escape.
  • If I suppress it or try to change my behaviour, or change the external world in some way, then all I'm doing is keeping that locked in. And so it just keeps returning.
  • How mindfulness has really helped me is, I've become much more aware of those energetic vibrations. I've got a completely different relationship with them now. I get less fearful of them and I now allow them to arise in their energetic form and not connect to the stories that I hold around those energetic vibrations, those emotions, and just watch them pass.
  • I feel so much more resilient and able to deal with situations.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I have a series of affirmations I say every day and one of them is, I breathe deeply into my belly.
  • I had a yoga teacher one who said, if men just breathed properly into their bellies, then 90 percent of the problems we go to therapists around, would be solved.
  • The breath is a fundamental connection.
  • When I'm meditating that's what I use as my focal point.
  •  I bring my awareness and my attention to my breathing. Breath is something which opens me, which expands me, which connects me to the greater cosmos.

Suggested Resources

  • Book: The Art of Living by Bob Proctor
  • Book: The Unteathered Soul by Michael A. Singer
  • App: ThinkUp: Positive Affirmations & Motivation (Precises Wellness LLC)

Effect on Emotions

  • There were times when I was a young boy when I was guilty of bullying other people.
  • I realize that when I was twelve or thirteen, I would pick on the kid in the class for whatever reason.
  • Whatever this person was being singled out for, whether they wore glasses or they looked different, or were from a different background. I would just join in the name-calling and didn't give a moment's thought to the experience that poor person was having and what the impact may have been as to what they thought or felt about themselves.
  • It felt very selfish. But that's only on reflection. I didn't feel selfish in that moment, I was just doing what everybody else was doing. It's because I didn't have that awareness.
  • There were two things going on, there was the action I was doing and there was the ability to think about and assess whether those actions are ones that I really want to be engaged in. Whether it's something that they would have the impact that I would be proud of and now I'm slightly embarrassed to have to tell this story.
  • It was a complete lack of mindfulness, of awareness in that moment.
  • I was just behaving automatically. It was just really ignorance. I hadn't given it a moment's thought.
  • Now with the awareness I now have as an adult, I think that was just really poor behavior.
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223 A Fully Rich Life With Benjamin Foley

June 8, 2017

Benjamin Foley left a 6-figure job in management consulting after being almost destroyed by anxiety and depression. He knew he had only 2 choices; to change his life or to remain on the same path and be destroyed. Fortunately he made the decision to take action and change his path to become a writer and entrepreneur, immersing himself in a healthier lifestyle with a focus on mindfulness. He is now the founder of Fully Rich Life, a blog that is focused on helping men decrease stress and anxiety, find more focus, and be more present. He also writes for various top-rated publications including NY Observer, CNBC, Thought Catalog, and Medium and is read by over 200,000 readers a month on topics including anxiety, healthy eating and mindset. Benjamin also helps businesses tell better stories with strategies that are truly authentic. I am thrilled to share this time with the inspiring, prolific writer, Benjamin Foley.

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has helped me understand them [my emotions] and has helped me detach from the stories that they tell.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing has made a huge difference. It's helped me stop panic attacks years ago and now it helps me gain energy when I need it.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I was a bully growing up, especially in elementary school. Mindfulness would have been so huge.
  • Living and growing up in a very, very conservative, Christian environment is probably a lead driver of a lot of anxiety in America. I felt like I had no control at home because I didn't really believe what they believed so they didn't accept me.
  • I needed to be accepted by somebody. I needed to be powerful over somebody.
  • Mindfulness would have been huge, just understanding that we're all kids and we're all part of this thing that we call the human condition. You're not better than them.
  • We kinda had a gang in elementary school and we thought we were more important than we were, for third graders. I spent a lot of time in the Principal's office. Definitely not something proud to look back on but something that ...
  • I love working with kids now.
  • There is nothing I can do to change the past. Like we talk about in meditation and mindfulness, we can only be here.
  • And so what can I do today to be the best that I can and make today better than yesterday.
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222 Find More Joy and Less Stress With Pompe Strater-Vidal

June 5, 2017

Pompe Strater-Vidal is a Zen Sensei, an artist and meditation teacher. She studied art at the San Francisco Art Institute and at Anderson Ranch in Colorado and is trained specifically in Shodo, the Japanese Zen art of brush calligraphy. Pompe is hosting her third Relax and Breathe Summit. This is an on-line event featuring 21 experts speaking on the theme of 'More Joy and Less Stress'. Each guest shares specific techniques to help you release tension and reduce stress. Participants who sign up will receive an email each day over an 11 day period with insights into mindfulness practices that don’t require an extensive yoga or meditation background.

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Pompe Speaks ...

  • These days, being a Zen artist always makes me laugh because you can have a Zen bathroom. Zen has become an adjective for simplicity. Someone that I invited to one of my summits, said, 'you really ARE a Zen artist'. And I said, Yes, I'm trained in Shodo, which is the Japanese form of brush calligraphy.
  • I was trained by my Roshi, my Japanese Zen Teacher. Before I became a Zen Monk, I trained in Shodo.
  • I've been an artist my whole life. My father was an artist, so I picked up a brush at a very young age.
  • I love art. For me, art is something that is very joyful and makes me happy. I use my artwork in all my on-line presence. I do my inspirational posts every week, which I get a lot of joy out of.
  • Shodo is about being spontaneous. It's about being in the moment. It's about taking the practice of meditation into an activity into an art form. You use your breath; you breathe it in, you hold your brush, you breathe out and you draw your character for each stroke.
  • It's about letting go in each moment as you're actually creating something. You're using your breath to help you let go. The Zen arts are all meditations.

The Tea Ceremony

  • I did the Tea Ceremony with my Roshi. I am not trained to do it myself.
  • It's about sharing the present moment in a ritualized way. It's the same kind of thing; it's done as a meditation. It's done with a level of awareness and presence and it's very Japanese so at any moment the rules can change and you really don't know why.
  • You're drinking Japanese Tea as you do this. You're drinking Matcha, the frothy Japanese Tea that's become popular and it's very healthy. It's powdered tea and you just whip it with a whisk. Matcha tea has caffeine in it. They say that when you absorb caffeine from tea it's healthier for you. That it does something differently to your nervous system. I'm not an expert, but I am a tea drinker.

Thoughts on Caffeine and Mindfulness

  • I just did an interview the other day with a friend of mine who is returning to 'Relax And Breathe'. She's a nutritionist and a health coach. I like to have people like this on 'Relax And Breathe' to discuss exactly what you're talking about.
  • She talks about the link between nutrition and awareness and health.
  • It's easier to be in the present moment, especially when you're first working with it, when you're in optimal health; when you're feeling good.
  • That said, the purpose is not to only be mindful when you feel good. She was talking about caffeine as one of the big addictions that is in our culture now.
  • The problem with it is that you do get dependent on it and it depletes your adrenals. I'm not an expert in that, but I do know for myself, I have a very sensitive nervous system. I am a deer. I am the kind of person that if you drop a book behind me, my startle response is very high.
  • More About The Relax And Breathe Summit

    I have people with diet, one person who's creating a Monastic Community, I have Yoga Teachers, DavidJi is returning again. I have a wide range of guests. I like to be able to expose people to a lot of different ways to use awareness and to use mindfulness in their life. It's completely free and it airs in June. June 5th to the 16th, 2017. Everyone offers a free gift which is usually some kind of training, pdf, audio or video. Sign up Here.

  • Listen to the interview to hear more ...

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221 Adjust Your Sails With Joel Brookman

June 1, 2017

Joel Brookman has a deep passion for using his expertise learned in the trenches of Wall Street, to guide others in their journeys. He is a Certified Financial Coach and Personal development expert focused on helping people clearly articulate their life's goals and then move on to achieving them. Joel’s experience is working as a Senior Executive for a Fortune 100 Wall Street firm. Presently he is committed to helping as many people as possible through his podcast, ‘90 Second Navigator’, a show which offers practical ways to become crystal clear on what you truly want in life. Joel is a firm believer in mindful breathing; he ends every episode focusing on the breath.

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Most Influential Person

  • Eckhart Tolle

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has made me a much calmer person. Meditation and being able to separate myself from my life situation has done amazing things for me and has reduced my stress in the process.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Every morning, the first thing I do when I get out of bed is I sit and I breathe. I try to do it somewhere between five and ten minutes and just clear my mind. Before everything comes in; before the day starts, just get grounded. And that's just focusing on the breath and just letting everything else go.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I was fortunate. Personally, I didn't get bullied. I don't think I was a bully. I could have been nicer to a few people over the course of my life.
  • The mindfulness part should play a role [in bullying situations].
  • If you can separate yourself from what is happening. In other words, if I am this person who is being portrayed by the bully and I see myself there, then the bully is winning.
  • But if I rise above it, and through mindfulness understand that I am bigger than my life situation; if I can get beyond that, then that can change the whole dynamic.
  • It's a challenge with children, I notice this with my own kids, getting them open to mindfulness between ages 10 and 18, it's tough to do. I talk to my children all the time about it and I always wonder if there's a better way to deliver it. I'm not sure I have the answer to that. There's no escape on social media for kids or teachers.
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220 2000 Books To Improve Your Life by Mani Vaya

May 29, 2017

Mani Vaya has been meditating for 20 years. He started in his teens because of what he describes as ‘a major failure’ in his life. Mani is a former Physicist and Electrical and Computer Engineer who went on to manage cell phone product launches which were sometimes billion dollar projects. He has since moved on and is now the host of the '2000Books' podcast, interviewing top business and self-help authors. Mani reads 7 business and personal development books a week and talks about all the great ideas he learns from these books on his Youtube channel and podcast which can all be found at 2000books.com.

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Most Influential Person

  • Tony Robbins

Effect on Emotions

  • My emotions are much more well-managed. They are not so up and down.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • There are instances every few days where you can feel overwhelmed, frustrated or confused. A simple breathing technique that anyone can do is just, breathe in to the count of 5 and then breathe out to the count of 10 and that is a very powerful exercise because it gives control back to your parasympathetic nervous system; to your pre-frontal cortex and away from your limbic brain.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I have always been scrawny. In college, I was the shortest kid. Thankfully, somehow I grew taller after that. I'm still skinny.
  • Yeah, there was bullying in my college days and people made fun of me and people physically bullied me because I was the smallest kid. I did not use mindfulness to deal with this.
  • I was resentful of the guys who treated me this way. I tried to avoid them and I kind of hated those guys.
  • I don't think I was understanding enough at that point to be able to use any kind of mindfulness to deal with this. I chose not to dwell on this as I look back in my life.
  • There are so many failures in my life, but I want to keep on programming the right story to myself.
  • I feel like I bully myself sometimes because I realize this goal [a certain goal] didn't get accomplished. That's what I call self-compassion towards myself.
  • There's a great book on this topic by Kristin Neff on self-compassion. Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind by Kristin Neff.
  • I feel like I have so much to accomplish that I don't have the time to reward myself [for small accomplishments]. I do go down to the beach here in San Diego and those are very rewarding moments.
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219 Get Unstuck; Learn How From Shira Taylor Gura

May 25, 2017

Shira Taylor Gura is an expert at helping people get unstuck. She’s a well-being coach and author of ‘Getting unSTUCK  - Five Simple Steps to Emotional Well-Being’ and she believes fear and desire are huge factors causing people to feel stuck. Trained in Psychology and Occupational Therapy, Shira uses what she’s learned in those areas and through personal experiences to help others. She is a firm believer that it’s important to learn to give your brain a break and she helps others through her blog, keynote speaking and on-line course.   Shira lives with her husband and four children in a small community in Israel.

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Most Influential Person

  • My two Aunts who practice mindfulness.

Effect on Emotions

  • I don't think mindfulness has affected my emotions at all.
  • I think my emotions are my emotions and they're going to always be my emotions. I'm going to always be completely full of emotions till I die. I think what mindfulness has done is learn how to react to my emotions; how to allow myself to feel my emotions instead of run away from them and trying to resist them and cover them up.
  • This practice has helped me to say it's okay to be emotional.
  • You have emotions, then feel your emotions, you're human.
  • Now take responsibility and see how you're going to be in the world with those emotions.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is the anchor to be present. When I'm teaching a yoga class, I encourage my students to make their breath audible. When they hear their breath, it's a reminder to come back.
  • That's basically what the whole practice of mindfulness is. It's constantly coming back to this moment.
  • If we're living in the past; if we're living in the future, we're not being mindful.
  • The breath is an awesome tool that you carry around with you; it's directly under your nose. You can use it anywhere. Nobody knows that you're using it and it anchors you into this moment.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I would like to share a story of how I was actually bullying myself. This is something I find myself doing more often than I would expect.
  • I was in a situation where I needed to be out of my home and my husband wasn't going to be around. I have four kids and my three older kids also weren't going to be around. I needed help with my six-year-old.
  • We live in a very small community and oftentimes our kids are inside other people's homes and we're constantly kind of co-parenting. It's very common and it's very fun and it's easy.
  • So I picked up the phone and I asked one of my friends if they could please watch my son whose six. Just for one hour .... (tune into the interview to hear the rest of the story).
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218 Laugh, Learn and Awaken With JP Sears

May 22, 2017

JP Sears is a deeply spiritual thought leader with an intense sense of humor. You may have experienced his mindful comedy if you’ve seen any of his viral videos focusing on essential oils, the joys of being gluten intolerant, being vegan, the wonderful uses of coconut oil and more. According to his book, ‘How To Be Ultra Spiritual’, we’re taught that he was sent to our planet by God-fearing atheists to create videos to share hidden secrets only being revealed now, after the passing of centuries of time. I am thrilled and delighted to welcome JP Sears to the Mindfulness Mode podcast.

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has allowed me to embrace [my emotions] more.
  • I don't know that my emotions have changed from mindfulness, but my relationship to my emotions has changed for the more intimate.
  • For the first couple of decades of my life, I was mostly numb. So much was going on under the surface that I was unaware of it rationally. Also emotionally I was unaware of my emotional realities.
  • Mindfulness helps me acknowledge what is, and I think the old Zen path of contentment; accepting things as they are without the need to change that and without the need for them to be otherwise.
  • I'm not perfect, I'm clumsy at best, but it's [mindfulness is] a nice help.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Oftentimes I'll have a post-it note [on my desk] that just says breathe.
  • I think breathing is a fascinating biofeedback tool. It tells us what's going on in our body but what's more important it tells us what's going on in our mind and maybe even in our relationship to what's beyond our mind.
  • When I notice my breathing being shallow, caught up, I'm taking things too seriously, I'm getting stressed out. That's my mindfulness cue to become more mindful.
  • Becoming mindful of my lack of mindfulness is a powerful step to becoming more mindful at core levels so noticing shallow breathing. I feel it in my neck. It's just so obvious when we just remind ourselves to look for it so breathing helps me become mindful of my lack of mindfulness.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • I think bullying is severe abuse disguised as 'just the way it is'.  We're looking to free kids and honestly adults too, but looking to free kids from this sort of silent secrecy that we consent to where it's like I am trapped by bullying and I can't tell on anybody because that means I'll be bullied more.
  • Kids need a way out. Life is too short to not be free.
  • Telling a child, well, just be yourself and don't worry about it; that's amazing advice but functionally useless.
  • Children need more help because this is a real issue present day. It would just be a joy if, in a short amount of time, we just wake up and this is not an issue anymore, find something else to spend your time on. That would be amazing.
  • I did have experience with bullying. As a kid I wasn't constantly picked on by any means, I won't pretend that was my case but there were definitely times when I was being bullied and this feels crummy.
  • The biggest one that stands out was, I was on the football team in the first year of high school.
  • It was my freshman year and before school started we were in the weight room and one of the older guys just started belittling me.
  • Honestly, I went into a shell for the next two years. I didn't really comprehend that I was going into a shell because I felt so much shame. I wanted to avoid being shamed like this again.
  • I couldn't recognize that at the time, but now that I look back it's like, wow, I did that.
  • I was living in an avoidance posture which [caused me to] become way more introverted than I actually am. Way less outgoing than I actually am.
  • In other words avoiding being authentic. Did I avoid some future bullying reoccurrences? Maybe, but what it really cost me was being myself and probably making connections with a lot of other people.
  • Then also there were times, not often, but certainly some times, that stick out in my mind where I was acting bullying out on other people.
  • At those times I would use humor to hurt people. It's sometimes easy to do that. The easiest laughs are always the cheapest and most hurtful.
  • Because everybody's laughing, sometimes even the person I'm hurting is laughing. It's easy to, in the moment, convince myself that we're just having fun. It's like, no. Looking back I can realize, I'm acting out a sense of power over this person to compensate for how powerless I feel inside.
  • I think any time someone is bullying someone else, it is a hurt person trying to hurt someone else so that they can have a temporary sense of escaping their hurt.
  • Psychologically, if I can make you the hurt one, Bruce, then for a short amount of time, I believe that you're the hurt one, so I'm not the hurt one. I don't have hurt because, look how much you're hurting.
  • Honestly, the times that that would happen, I developed so much shame about that, that I hurt someone else, that it taught me not to do that. I think there is such a thing as healthy shame.
  • Healthy shame [is when it] feels so crummy to do this that painful shame is a great teacher to not do that crummy thing again.
  • It helps teach us to do it a better way. Shaming people has taught me not to shame people. It's really taught me well; the power of how to use humor to help, not harm. How to use humor to acknowledge and heal pain and accept it, rather than project pain, which is to reject pain and trying to get away from it inside.
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