324 Finding Peace From Your Hijackal Relationships; Dr. Rhoberta Shaler

May 24, 2018

Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is the 'Relationship Help Doctor'. She provides urgent and on-going care for relationships in crisis. She particularly helps the partners, the exes, adult children, and co-workers of the crazy-making, relentlessly difficult people that she calls, 'Hijackals'. She helps them save their sanity and stop the crazy-making. Even the United States Marines have called on Doctor Shaler for help. She's a relationship expert and speaker and author of 16 books. She consults with clents world-wide through the internet and she's host of two podcasts. One is called 'Emotional Savvy: The Relationship Help Show' and the other podcast is called 'Save Your Sanity: Help For Handling Hijackals'.

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Most Influential Person

  • Joel Goldsmith (Author)

Effect on Emotions

  • I think mindfulness levels your emotions. It doesn't take out the peaks and valleys, but you understand that you choose the state that you stay in.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Well, I think it's key to everything. When you stop and you allow yourself to let your shoulders down from your ear lobes, you take a deep breath and you open your chest and you open your heart at the same time.
  • Then when you allow yourself to take a deep breath, it takes 20 seconds for the oxygen and a deep breath to go all the way around your blood system.
  • So you refresh yourself completely. So when you are using your breath, you are actually regenerating yourself and when you do that it calms you and helps you think more clearly.

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Bullying Story

  • I was in the education world for a long time as a teacher and then I became a school administrator and it was at a time that really stands out for me.
  • When I had the opportunity, I was given an entire extra classroom to do what I wanted. So every morning I would have all the children including all the special needs children sit in a big circle and I invited their parents to come and spend that first 20 minutes of the day with us.
  • And why I did that was there was a lot of unrest. There was a lot of children who were difficult and a lot of special needs children. And there were of course bullies in the mix.
  • And so if we're all participating in something, it became something that everybody then said, okay, to. There were not any people who were not doing it.
  • And what we saw during that time where we would just sit quietly, maybe we'd play with energy a little bit, you know, we'd rub our hands together and make energy, go round the circle or we'd do a visualization or whatever.
  • We saw a real change and then I had an opportunity to be the administrator of a school for at risk teenagers. And of course there was a lot of this going on, you know, make them do this and all that when I got there.
  • And I know that's not the way it's going to work, we're going to feed them.
  • And so, we made a huge change. These kids who were going out and stealing cars and doing home invasions on the weekends; through love and sitting quietly, they changed.
  • From the time that I went there to work, Bruce, the average length of time a child was staying in the school was three months.
  • By the time I left five years later, we had not had a vacancy for 18 months.
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323 The Mindfulness Solution To Addiction With Expert Jeff Jones

May 21, 2018

Jeff Jones is a therapist, addiction counsellor, interventionist, and now, family recovery coach working online with families with addiction. He’s expanded the context of addiction and created a three-phase program that empowers families to safeguard their loved one in an addictive cycle or recovery, while they engage in a process to stop the addiction cycle in this generation. After putting it online and wrapping a user-friendly online community around it, Jeff is moving towards his goal of empowering families to connect with like-minded others, family-specific resources and expertise when they are ready.

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Most Influential Person

  • Thich Nhat Hanh

Effect on Emotions

  • So what I'm aware of is that my emotions can like go to extremes, whether it's spiraled downwards or climb upwards kind of thing.
  • And mindfulness for me has been a very helpful antidote to ground me in reality as opposed to right away believe any extreme, whether it's down or up. So I want to reality check it with mindfulness.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • When I take slow, deep breaths into my belly and actually push my belly out, it engages my parasympathetic nervous system which slows the body down, which slows the nervous system down, calms the nervous system.
  • I have been using that in meditation. A natural thing that I do is, right away, take a big breath even sometimes before thinking. It has taken a long time to get there.
  • The slow deep breath is always there. It's a resource that will never leave me.

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Bullying Story

  • The story that I'm thinking of happened really not that long ago, just a couple months ago. It is interesting how it started out because I have a number of different, addiction mentors.
  • There was one in particular that I had just sent her an email kind of with a compliment of what I learned from her and I was just at a place where I was looking at what I was doing and having appreciation for the different people who I have learned from whose shoulders I'm standing on kind of thing.
  • So I wrote her an email and what I got back from her was a letter from her attorney. So it was confusing to me and I felt bullied by that. It was a great opportunity for me to be aware of what was going on in my own thinking process.
  • I just couldn't really make sense of my giving her a compliment about something I had learned from her and then getting this letter from her attorney.
  • It was kind of like letting me know how to cite her reference properly, like I was stealing some of her information or something.
  • I called her and I sent an email and I said, hey, I got this email from your attorney and like, can we just have a conversation?
  • Which you know, I got another letter from her attorney and just a couple of weeks ago I was at a conference and I saw her and she was sweet as pie to me. Nothing was said about it. So in that situation I felt like I was being bullied.
  • I was aware of what was going on in my mind and painting all these pictures like I'm being bullied here, and then to see her and get no message of that, it was confusing to me, but what I really learned from that from a mindfulness perspective is how I really need to check out my own thinking.
  • Like I can't always believe my own thinking. And if I don't check it out with the other person, it's not really going to be helpful for me to believe everything that my mind says. Now the other side of it is I do feel that I was being bullied.
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322 Leave A Legacy By Being Mindful Says Speaker/Author Thom Singer

May 17, 2018

Tom Singer is a professional master of ceremonies and keynote speaker for corporate, law firms, and convention audiences. He's also authored 12 books on the power of business relationships, sales, networking, presentation skills, and entrepreneurship. Tom is also the host of the Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do podcast where he interviews business leaders who possess an extra dose of the entrepreneurial spirit. Stories from Tom's interviews are shared with his clients and he challenges people to be more engaged and enthusiastic in all of their actions.

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Most Influential Person

  • My father. My dad was 52 years old when I was born. So in a lot of ways it was like being raised by a grandfather. He had three sons who, when I was born were 10, 12 and 14. And by the way, I had the same set of parents. I was sort of a surprise. My Dad always told everybody that a surprise was an accident that worked out really well because he liked me.

Effect on Emotions

  • I think that As I've gone into this whole 50 to 75 plan that I'm shepherding, I think that being mindful of experiences and of saying yes to things, of not getting stressed, of not getting pissed, of just doing all that, I think the emotion that it has triggered more than anything else is joy.
  • I think because I am mindful, that I'm going to have a good time.
  • I think it has unleashed that emotion of joy and I think my wife sees it. I think my kids see it. I think my friends see it. I think my clients see it, so I think that's how mindfulness has affected my emotions.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • I don't think that [mindfulness has affected my breathing] other than the fact that it brings oxygen into my lungs that then goes into my blood and goes to my brain.
  • So when I first started running and I couldn't run a mile and I hired my friend who was a runner to kind of coach me through it. He actually pushed me too hard and I triggered asthma that I hadn't had in years.
  • I almost had to go to the hospital. I certainly hadn't used an inhaler in forever. I had to go to the doctor and everything else. So I was mindful of breathing when I couldn't.
  • But the rest of the time, for some reason, once I got up to where I was running three to five miles and then five to 10 miles throughout the training, I rarely am that winded.

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Bullying Story

  • You know, I'm just going to be real honest. I have one situation that comes to mind when you asked that question that involve bullying and I'm just going to put it out there.
  • I was kind of the bully and I was probably 12 years old and a bunch of people were sort of mocking, you know, a kid who kind of didn't fit in and I was part of it.
  • And what's interesting is it's not part of my personality, it's not part of who I am. It's not part of who I was at the time and if I had been mindful of not having to be part of that group or whatever, I wouldn't have been part of it. I don't keep in touch with this person.
  • I don't know if it was scarring or if it was just a minor thing, but I've always felt really bad about that. And because of that I've always been really conscious of not falling into that mob mentality and not being surprised by bystander mentality.
  • Again, I wasn't leading the whole thing. I wasn't the bully, but I was part of the group and I mean at the time I knew it was wrong and I don't know why it came to mind when you asked about it, but now I feel kind of like crap for even having been a part of it, just thinking about it again.
  • But I do know that it stayed with me to the point that I never did anything like that again, at least not to that level that I'm aware of.

Quote

"When you are mindful of your purpose in any conversation, you leave a legacy." Thom Singer

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321 Staying Mindful In A World Of Technology With Robert Plotkin

May 14, 2018

Robert Plotkin is an engineer, mindfulness practitioner, and the founder of Technology for Mindfulness. His background in computer science and engineering dates back over thirty years to his days programming an Atari 800 personal computer, through a degree in Computer Science and Engineering at MIT, and nearly two decades as a patent attorney specializing in patent protection for computer technology. His relationship to Zen Buddhism stems primarily from his study of Japanese martial arts for more than three decades. He is a graduate of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at the Center for Mindfulness and practices mindfulness meditation. His fascination with the relationship and interactions between computer technology and the mind is reflected in his book on the automation of creativity in the field of inventing, The Genie in the Machine: How Computer-Automated Inventing is Revolutionizing Law and Business (Stanford, 2009).

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has changed the way I deal with my emotions. This is where I think the stillness aspect of mindfulness is really helpful.
  • I talked a lot earlier about action and martial arts, in doing that you engage a lot of action, movement of the body.
  • I think for me, sitting meditation has been very helpful in dealing with emotions. Not just being able to notice what they are, but accept that they're there. Before I did sitting meditation, I engaged in a lot of trying to change difficult or negative emotions.
  • For me, sitting meditation has really, really been helpful. When you say dealing with emotion, just being able to be more aware of what they actually are at any given moment, being able to accept them and notice them without being able to change them.
  • I'm sure you know from your own mindfulness practice, sometimes that results in them lingering for awhile and sometimes I found that paying attention to them or even diving into them can result in them dissipating or changing in some way.
  • I'm always working on accepting in advance that whatever the outcome is, it is.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is a very, very big part of my mindfulness practice. Always has been.
  • Even from the martial arts training; breathing really fairly fundamental and it's been interesting for me to do sitting meditation.
  • Certainly there are some similarities and differences between how I think breath is approached in the two. In my experience in martial arts training, we do pay attention to the breath.
  • If I can paint it in broad strokes, there is more of a goal or pragmatic aspect to working on and somewhat improving the breath.
  • We work on deepening it, we work on being able to maintain it as more of an even keel. We work on being able to breathe more deeply. Part of it is to develop physical power.
  • There is a pragmatic goal, so to speak, at least as part of the martial arts training and the breath. And so it's definitely been interesting to me to come at the breath and sitting meditation from a different perspective.
  • Although sometimes when I'm doing sitting meditation I will form the intention of both noticing the breath and if I notice that it's shallow, I will relax.
  • But I also some of the time, will merely notice what it is without trying to change it. That's been a different experience for me. Certainly in martial arts training, we often say that it begins and ends with the breath. I think for all the same reasons, I mean breath is the foundation of life.
  • Everything else stops when you're not breathing. And so, that's always been a really significant part, and I do return to the breath.
  • In fact, I did just go back to a meditation teacher who I really rely on for a lot of guidance and was asking her about focusing on the breath and how I hear a lot of instruction these days that seem to imply to me that we should always return to the breath.
  • I've found that in my own practice, I'm at a point where sometimes if I'm experiencing and aware of a difficult emotion that returning to the breath can feel like a distraction.

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320 A Story of Abduction and Finding Strength Through Mindfulness; Author Marie White

May 10, 2018

Marie White is an entrepreneur, a world traveler, a missionary, and a YouTube host with over half a million viewers. She is the owner of Zamiz Press, which is an inspirational publishing company that offers hope and encouragement to people the world over who are experiencing struggles. Marie is also the author of five books, including the award-winning #1 bestseller, Strength for Parents of Missing Children: Surviving Divorce, Abduction, Runaways and Foster Care. Marie has also lived trauma first-hand, being the mother of an abducted child who remains missing.

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has helped to keep me from going from one extreme to the other.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is really helpful if you want to live. It’s necessary to bring down your emotions when you are in a heightened state of stress.

  • I like to breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, very slow, taking a moment to concentrate.

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319 Make Boundaries Your Breakthrough; Breakfast Leadership Host, Michael Levitt

May 7, 2018
Michael Levitt is all about boundaries. He is the founder of Breakfast Leadership.com where he shares his expertise on boundaries with other leaders. Michael also works in the health-care field and has experienced first-hand how important it is to have a grip on boundaries in life and death situations as well as daily living. Michael is trained in crisis intervention from the Canadian Training Institute. Michael is recognized as a healthcare leader, holding the Advanced Healthcare System Leadership certificate from Rotman School of Management, one of the World’s highly ranked business schools, as part of the University of Toronto. Michael also shares his knowledge on his podcast – Breakfast Leadership.

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Most Influential Person

Effect on Emotions

  • Mindfulness has helped me keep my emotions in check. I'm passionate. I'm in healthcare. I'm passionate about people taking better care of themselves.
  • I'm passionate about the healthcare sector and what it needs to do to better serve the entire community and not just pockets of it.
  • I'm very passionate about wrongs that we see in society, but I keep them in check now because I know that I can only do so much. I can do what I can do and I have to let others do what they can do.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Breathing is extremely important to me. I am an asthmatic so my breaths are a little bit more challenging than others. It's mild, [my asthma], but it's something that I know could progress into copd (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease) down the road. And for me, I take care of my breathing very carefully.
  • I focus on it when things are tense, I pause and I go, OK, what are my breathing patterns like? And I can take a deep breath and sometimes I'll do the nostril thing where you do a closed nostril breathing.
  • I just really focus on the breathing and it lowers my blood pressure and it just puts me into a moment of awareness and in the moment of now. Instead of worrying about what's going to happen or freaking out about what happened before, it's a good way to really get me connected to where I am right at this moment.

Suggested Resources

  • Book: 369 Days: How To Survive A Year of Worst Case Scenarios by Michael Levitt
  • Book: The Tortoise And The Hare by  Jerry Pinkney - This is a leadership book. Some people will question me saying that, but it also helps with mindfulness too, as far as focusing on what's important. From a leadership book standpoint, it's a great book because oftentimes we are the rabbit and we're running around trying to get things done and moving things around where the tortoise is just steady as we go. Let's get through this. It's the same thing from a mindfulness standpoint. Our brains and minds and activities are all over the place where the turtle's step, step, step, step, step, step and turtle wins the race. I want all of us to win the race. So it's one of those books that I will read from time to time to really reconnect with myself.
  • App: Calm
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318 Mindfulness For Corporate Wellness; Teresa Przetocki

May 3, 2018

Teresa Przetocki works with companies to help them implement corporate wellness as a business strategy. Teresa is on a mission to create thriving communities within the workplace and she shares real-time examples of how to include mindfulness into employee wellness programs. Teresa is founder and CEO of C&P Wellness Consultants. She's a board certified public health professional, a certified Well Coaches Health and Wellness Coach and she holds her Masters in public health.

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Most Influential Person

  • My Grandmother and also my Husband

Effect on Emotions

  • Oh, that's a really good question. So I would say that mindfulness allows me to put a separation between my emotions.
  • So we're very emotional beings and sometimes we let emotions kind of override us and we think, oh, I'm feeling this way so this is all of my reality right now.
  • I think what mindfulness really has this amazing capacity to do is to bring awareness to it, but then put a separation into it.
  • So then you can look at it non-judgmentally and really say, hey, I'm feeling this way, you know, what does that mean or, hey, I'm feeling this way. And just let it, let it be.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • So I've been trying to meditate, I would say a good three years now and I'm excited to get to your book recommendations because I have a great book for you that I want you to actually read. And then I'd actually like to hear what you have to say about it after you read it. But I'm.
  • So whenever you hear of mindfulness or meditation, the first thing that any kind of teacher has said is go to your breath.
  • So I, in my personal experience, have found this to be incredibly easy. It refocuses you, it's always accessible and it just automatically calms me.
  • One of the things that I do with breathing is I like to count to 10 or 20. When you breathe in, it's one breathe out. It's two. And so I normally go to either 10 or 20 and then restart it and I try to do that for a good five to 10 minutes.

Suggested Resources

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317 Discover Your Mindful Blueprint With Michael Neeley

April 30, 2018

Michael Neeley is a podcaster and an entrepreneur. He's a business coach and he empowers other entrepreneurs to live the lives they've always dreamed of. He's the host of the podcast, 'Consciously Speaking', and also his new podcast, 'Buy This, Not That'. Michael used to be a knight in shining armor; he was an actor who spent a good portion of his career on horseback before starring in a couple of soap operas and some independent films. Michael's son, Tristan, was born back in 2002, and at that time Michael decided he wanted to leave the smog of Los Angeles and settle in an area with clean air and clear skies. So Michael made a transition and has moved to a role where he enlightens others as a mindfulness business coach.

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Conversation With Michael

Bruce: How do you get grounded in your life, Michael?

Michael: For me, meditation plays a big part in it and it's not about like sitting down on a cushion for 45 minutes at a time. It's more like, uh, you know, while I'm going for a walk, if I'm walking the dogs, I can use that as a meditation. It's a matter of fact. It was so cool. I walked them yesterday, I took them over to this little park area that we have here near my home and I unleashed them and let them run and I laid down on the grass and stared up at the sky and meditated for about five minutes. It was total bliss and just little things like that where you can relax the mind and let go of all of these crazy monkey mind thoughts that are running through our heads about our business constantly. If you're a solopreneur or even about life in general, you can get caught up in all this stuff instead of just, OK, here I am. I'm just a human being.

Bruce: Your son Tristan was born in 2002. Has He inspired you to be mindful? Has He taught you anything about being grounded and being centered?

Michael: Well, Tristan is my constant teacher every day and you know, he's my why. He's the why of what I'm up to in the world and that's the part that I've got to bring mindfulness back to. If I get too caught up in doing the work and I don't spend the time with him; he's the reason that I'm doing the work. And so if I don't take the breaks to spend the time with him, then it kind of defeats the purpose. And so yeah, he's a constant teacher to me.

Bruce: How will mindfulness play a role in your upcoming event that you're doing?

Michael: A lot of people look at business and they don't see the correlation of how mindfulness plays into that and I know maybe in larger corporations it's less relevant in the bigger picture. Certainly on the smaller scale and when we're talking about the people that I'm attracting for my event, which are visionary Solopreneurs, as I call them, people who are in business for themselves, the mindfulness piece is often the difference between success and failure. What I mean by that is that we get in our own way. We get caught up in either the minutia of the work or we get caught up doing the wrong things because we're looking for a sense of, you know, checking off the list, tick boxes instead of really being mindful about, OK, wait a minute, let me tune in here. What do I really want? What is going to be the best for my business and how can I move forward in a way that's conscious and fully present?

Bruce: Tell us about some of the speakers that are going to be at your event. I know it's called, Your Authority Blueprint Live.

Michael: It's going to be a rockin' event and we're going to have Jay Fiset there, another fellow Canadian. Jay does work with a Mastermind To Millions. I didn't realize how conscious Jay was and how mindful he was until recently when I had him on my show. He's just really a cool guy. So Jay's going to be there. We've got Brady Patterson from Success Road Academy, also a Canadian company. Brady is going to be there. Uh, we're going to have Tiamo De Vettori, who is a singer, songwriter. He's going to be sharing some inspirational music with us. [Tiamo was recently named L.A. Music Award's "Singer/Songwriter of the Year" & San Diego's "Best Songwriter] Tiffany Largie is going to be there. I mean we're going to have a wonderful lineup of some great talented motivational speakers to help people break through. Melanie Benson, another person who's really great with mindset is going to be there sharing some of her wisdom and expertise to really help us move beyond these blocks that stop us. And then of course, where the authority blueprint comes in is we're going to share the business side of it is how can you create a name for yourself in the industry that's really gonna catapult you onto the scene in a big way. And that's the business promise of it. We're going to show you how to build that blueprint.

Bruce: On your podcast, Consciously Speaking, you help people wake up and you consciously create awareness, but I'm curious about your other podcast called, Buy This, Not That. How did that come about? What's the story?

Michael: Well, you know, that's an interesting piece as well. We talk about our clients, you know, running into certain situations or questions and for me the questions kept coming up over and over again, like, well, what's the best mail service provider, email provider or what's the best webinar hosting platform? And I found myself answering questions over and over again, like the same questions and I thought, you know there are a lot of solopreneurs out there struggling with these same things. What if I were to .... [Tune in to the Podcast to hear more from Michael Neeley]

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316 It’s About Giving Says Conscious Millionaire JV Crum III

April 26, 2018

JV Crum the III is a speaker, a coach and the best-selling author of Conscious Millionaire, the book that’s changed thousands of peoples’ lives. It can impact you too by helping you learn how to consciously grow your business and transform your life. JV is the man who has personally built businesses and is now the host of three podcasts under the branding of Conscious Millionaire.

Website: www.ConsciousMillionaire.com/challenge

Free Gift: Get the seven figure formula instantly. Get JV's book instantly (Conscious Millionaire) and you get the three day challenge to totally set up your business so that you're ready to have a trajectory called "Double my Business in the Next 12 Months. Click on the above link.Podcast: Conscious Millionaire

Bruce: Would you explain the mindfulness of money, JV?

JV: I think there are multiple pieces to it. Every client I work with, because I work with clients who are typically high achievers and now they want to go to a new level and one of the things, because I work with a lot of coaches, that's my primary market, but I also work with seven figure service businesses that want to add at least another million in the next 12 months.

I only work with people who really have high goals and even though they have the high goals, nobody ever ends up on the phone with me or on a zoom or anything or even on the show usually without really having a deep desire to help people. But there's something I've identified called the money purpose wound. That's the name I gave to it because they're purpose driven, but a lot of times they have conflicts about making more money.

Along the way they've picked up ideas like, I got these gifts for free so I have to go out and give them to people for free. Here's an important distinction between, are we coaches and entrepreneurs, are we really in the business of saving people, which is where that kind of wounded mindset and poverty mindset and I've got to go save them and it's wrong to charge them, or are we in the business of empowering them and selecting to work with people that we resonate with, whoever that group is, but we're here to empower them and when we make that distinction, we come to a new set of decisions and those decisions are, it's not our responsibility to decide if somebody wants or is ready to be empowered.

It's our responsibility to empower them if that's what they want and once we let go of we have to go save people and convince them, right? We have to convince them that they want to do something more with their life. That's a losing journey. And I know because I used to be in that business, right? I used to believe that I used to help people where I believed in them a hundred and ten percent, but they were acting at fifty percent and I thought if I just kept believing in them at a hundred and ten percent, finally they'd get the spark.

But you know what? I've come to a conclusion. People self choose whether they connect with the spark, it's our job then to empower them because they want to move forward. It's not our job to try to convince them they're ready when for whatever reason, and there could be so many different reasons. Their soul is not at that place at that moment. You've got to let them choose to be there.

Bruce: So what's the biggest reason that people have these money blocks?

JV: Well, you know, it's interesting because I can't even tell you what the seven are, and I'm not even embarrassed about that. In my book there's a chapter on abundance mindset and I came up with seven areas of limiting beliefs. I can't even tell you what six of them are because from working with so many clients, I found they all had the same one and here it is, but different people are gonna say it one of two ways.

Either they've got issues around I don't deserve or they call it I am not worthy and everybody resonates with one of those words more than the other. And when you work with that piece, it's like a linchpin. When you deal with that piece then all of a sudden all this other stuff starts dissolving and they start moving forward.

But you've got to address that. And it's not a one time thing because we have levels. Once you get to, let's say you're at one level, but now you want to double to another level, you've got to go through this process again. You know, I'm looking on and going, well, you know Berkshire-Hathaway. He used to be the richest guy in the world, but right now it's Amazon, right? So and he's at a hundred billion and in our lifetime we're going to be all here when there's the first trillionaire. Just a few years ago we thought fifty billion was a whole lot of money. Now we're for the first time at a hundred billion and it's really mindset. Now they're going to do different activities.

They're going to leverage higher. They're going to be in a position to leverage and leverage and leverage because that's how you really build wealth, but it's having the mindset and thinking about your life and your business and money differently and asking different questions that get you to that next level. Everybody has to go through this kind of, I deserve, and at some point you'll have gotten through that. But for most people, if you're not yet at ten million, I think you're still going through that and you may still be going through it if you're not yet at a hundred million because we just have different layers inside of us.

You help people get to their first seven figures. You know, that's the majority of the work I do because I know when I got there I was 25 and all of a sudden I could buy a four story brand new four-story home on the water, have a Mercedes, go to Europe, you know, that was now my playground and I grew up in a little town with two or three hundred people.

When you ask how poor were we? Imagine this. We had an eight party line and what that means is there were eight homes that shared the same single line. And when you wanted to use the phone, you'd have to say, Delores, would you mind getting off the phone? I need to make a phone call. You'd have to bargain with your neighbors on the phone line and there'd always be the little old lady who listened to everybody's calls. Nobody could afford to have their own line when I was growing up in the little town I lived in.

Bruce: Did you have your bathroom in your house?

JV: We did, but we actually called it a one holer. That was the country term for that. I think we all know what that is. You have one bathroom and everybody's got to share it. And we didn't even have central heat or anything. We had one floor furnace and it would be cold in the winter and everybody took their tern getting the floor furnace area to get dressed. So to get there at twenty-five really was a big deal, but I know what difference it makes for people, how it frees them up, how they can take care of their family, give to causes, have the freedom to all of a sudden live differently. And then I like to take people who are at seven figures and help them start adding more layers of millions on to really empower them to go out and create a bigger wave.

Bruce: You talk about passion, purpose, and values in your book. And I know you're all about that. You don't just talk about it, you live it. Share with us about the mindfulness behind that.

JV: Well, I think that all of us are on this planet for a specific reason that's unique to each one of us. And I was just actually having this conversation I think yesterday or the day before. I like all these hard finance pieces, but I really love working with people to discover that and I just seem to have a talent for it and I don't typically bring it up. But with almost every client we end up going through that process that when we discover, I call it your gold coin, think of it this way. Your purpose is written on one side, but when I was looking for my purpose, which was about 20 years ago, I sold companies because it was making money, but I was not happy. I didn't feel fulfilled. I didn't think I was doing what I was here to do.

I read a lot on purpose. I found most of it useless. It made me feel good, but it would say things like, when you find your purpose, you'll know it. And I said, well, I'd kind of already figured that part out. I want to know how to find it. Here's the answer folks, I'm going to give it to you because I want you to have it. On the other side of the coin is the secret for finding it and it's what's the difference you want to make for someone or something outside of yourself? It's not about you, it's about giving, it's about making a difference.

And when you focus on that and you start journaling, I'm a big journaler, so journal on that and you'll find several things might come up that something's going to resonate and then ask, well, who do I want to do this for? You know is it coaches, consultants? Is it bigger companies? Is it moms who have kids? Is it animals? Is it the planet in general? My purpose is, I want everybody to have clean water and that means we stop polluting the water. So that's really how you discover that purpose. That becomes the driver of your business. It becomes the driver of your life and that determines what conferences you go to, who you decide to hang out with, who you have relationships with, who you're friends with. Because all my friends are people who want to make a positive impact on the world, right? I just don't hang out with anybody else because I want us to all help each other to achieve that outcome and make our mark on the world and makes this a better world for everybody.

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315 Find Bigger Love with Relationship Coaches Patrick and Sam Cullinane

April 23, 2018

Patrick and Sam Cullinane are relationship experts; expertise which has resulted from their experiences as they moved through the ups and downs of the rocky marriage they endured with each other. The first decade of their 20-year marriage ended with a twelve-month separation and signed divorce papers. The second decade was an invigorating climb back up the mountain which can be described as refreshed love and intimacy leading to newfound closeness and personal growth. Their challenges and discoveries are shared in an easy-to-follow, authentic format in their recent book called, Bigger Love: How to Have the Love of Your Life for the rest of Your Life.  Patrick and Sam now teach their own proven methods to other couples who yearn for over-the-top relationships.

Contact Info

Most Influential Person

  • Patrick: Sam Cullinane
  • Sam: Julianna Raye of Unified Mindfulness

Effect on Emotions

  • Sam: Well, mindfulness allows me to understand what I'm feeling to begin with because I think a lot of times I just let, I realized now that I've let my emotions sort of push me around in my life. Now I recognize I'm not my emotions. They are something that happens to me. So those recognitions have changed my life entirely.
  • Patrick: The feelings are real, but how you choose to react to the feelings, that's what you have control over. So the emotion is typically your choice in reaction or your body's physical reaction to the feelings.

Thoughts on Breathing

  • Patrick: Well, that's interesting because we spent a day with a Peruvian Shaman last year who talked to us about breathing and ever since he was talking to us about it, I see it. I'm like, oh my God, somebody told us about this last year and so he was talking to us about this now and so you know how the universe conspires to put things in front of you once you figure it out. Um, but yeah, we will use just taking a normal breath in a day where we're doing what, 28 percent capacity of our lungs and feeding your body. And so just just forcing yourself to breathe when I feel any stress or laying there having trouble sleeping or any of that, I just breathe. I try to maximize my lung capacity, hold it for a little bit, oxygenate my body and then breath out. Then I have to do that, focus on my breathing when I meditate.
  • Sam: It's amazing, but as soon as I take my mind to my breath, I'm in the moment. It's immediate. So I love to use that in meditation. I use it if I get frustrated, I focus on the breath. Breath is instrumental in my life and my mindfulness practice.

Suggested Resources

Bullying Story

  • Patrick: Sam brought up the fact that she thinks the biggest bully she sees is me bullying myself. Do you know what I mean? My dialogue of beating myself up and that kind of thing. So yeah, absolutely. not doing it. It's, it's part of the love yourself thing.
  • I recognize that I have a tendency to, to beat myself up a little bit or self deprecate, you know, do those types of things. And so I try not to bully myself by being mindful and loving myself and forgiveness. Self-Forgiveness is the key to all that. It's like, OK, I screwed up and I'm over it.
  • Sam: I do have a bullying story. I guess I don't know if mindfulness would have helped or not. So I grew up in Salt Lake City when I went to elementary school in Salt Lake City and then we started moving. It's primarily Mormon community and I'm not Mormon.
  • I was raised sort of Episcopalian and I think when, I can't remember how old they are when they get baptized, but it's older, it's like third or fourth grade, I want to say they're eight. So at age eight they get baptized and I think that's when they start to recognize that they're in this religion and it becomes very important to them as they learn all the stuff that they have to learn.
  • A lot of the kids weren't allowed to play with me because I wasn't lbs. There's one instance where this kid just was so mean and that was in front of a large group of kids and he was like, what religion are you again? And I was like, I'm Episcopalian. And he said, a pissa what? You know, you're going to hell, right? And I was like, what? [I said to my] mom, I'm going to hell. So that was very damaging, right?
  • It took a while to figure out how to deal with it. Like understanding different religions, why cultures clash and why war happens and all the bad things. But the interesting thing about that story is that later I was in college at the University of Utah and I saw that kid. I recognized him immediately and he was drunker than shit. He was hammered drunk, which of course is very against the Mormon religion. They're not allowed to drink or smoke or swear or anything.
  • And I [thought] what a hypocrite, you know, but it turned out that he was actually homosexual, which is also very against the Mormon religion. And I think that once I figured that out about him, I recognized that a lot of people who bully are people that are hurting.
  • They hurt others because they're hurting themselves. So he probably knew when he was eight. I mean, most of the homosexuals that I know, know early on that they're not like everybody else and that they have different attractions. He probably knew that.
  • And so he probably was hurting, confused and conflicted and lashed out at me because people that are hurting hurt others. So I think that was an interesting Aha moment for me.
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